I will be the first to share and even admit that I have never been a religious person. I grew up in the Catholic faith because we all did. In my hometown, we were either Baptist or Catholic, and a sprinkle of Methodists or Church of Christ folks. As children, my sister and I went to church because, as I said, “It was something we did.” One thing we knew we had to do as good Catholics was to go through the seven sacraments: Baptism, Communion, Confirmation, Eucharist, Confession, Marriage, and Anointing of the Sick …. and if you planned to be a priest, there was Ordination. I can check off six out of the seven. That should make me Good with Christ…right?
I just felt like a square peg in a round hole… like a misfit or nonconformist who struggles to fit others’ expectations. I just couldn’t fit into the niche of my Catholic religion. During this time, I was made to feel guilt and seek repentance. Priest: How many days have you missed Sunday mass? Me: Ugh…. maybe six…. no, it is really three…yes, that’s it… That’s the ticket! Priest: Say 5 Our Fathers and 3 Hail Marys, and you will be absolved of your sins. Me: That’s all? Oh, I can do that…. See ya next week, Padre. Okay… I am not making fun of the Catholic faith; I am sharing MY perspective. So, by this point in reading my post, if you are in judgment mode, you don’t get it and never will, unfortunately. Ask my friends, I have never been shy about telling you how I feel. Questioning the status quo and rebelling against the system are traits of my favorite decade, the 80’s… Some of you are rolling your eyes and thinking, “Is everything she writes with an 80’s theme?”… maybe, but is that really a bad thing? Keep reading, it gets better.
So there is Baptism – I had no choice. I think they had a big party and cake to celebrate ME! I don’t know, I was probably asleep in my crib. First Communion – all good Catholics parents send their kids to participate in this sacrament. We went to catechism, learned prayers, and prepared to eat the body of Christ and drink the blood of Christ (Communion). For a kid in elementary school, this sounded scary and not really cool. This lack of understanding is not an indictment of instruction in Catechism. God knows my teachers tried with me. I will share that I almost didn’t go through communion because the priest told my mom that I wasn’t into God because I didn’t pay attention. Well, if I weren’t forced to sit in the front pew at church, my behavior would have been between Jesus Christ and me. He gets me….Let’s see what is next…Ah, yes, Confirmation. I was in high school during this time. We went to classes after school and talked and talked about how important it was….Unfortunately, I couldn’t see the connection, or it wasn’t explained to me without being threatened with burning in Hell. Speaking of Hell… How in the heck does one tell a teen, you are going to hell? Do they have some background information on my one-way ticket to Hell? Hmmm, that sounds like it could be an 80’s song. Maybe not. Okay, getting back to the topic at hand. Let’s see…Ah, yes, Eucharist and Confession. I will combine these two because you can’t participate in the Eucharist unless you have gone through confession. You must guessed it by now…. The paper wafer (AKA Body of Christ) wasn’t going to be in my body anytime soon. But as I have mentioned earlier, God gets me…. He knew what was in my heart…and he still does. Next, Marriage….I married at age 19! By today’s standards, that is CRAZY. My daughters have questioned my sanity many times during this time. Hey, my excuse is that I was a teenager… what did I know? By the time I was a young adult, mother and wife, I threw my hands in the air and said, “This is it!” I cannot participate in something that doesn’t touch my heart. There was a period in my life when I just went through the motions, and like Moses wandered through the desert in search of the Promised Land. I never realized until now that God not only gets me, but if I had taken the time to look at my footprints in that hot desert, there was another set by my side. It literally took 40 years to get back to thinking about my faith. I decided to try again, so I became a Methodist. I thought Methodists are like Catholics without lots of kneeling…some, but not as much as I was accustomed to. For some reason, I didn’t stick with it. I was still of the belief that God gets me, and we can share a cup of coffee at Starbucks on a Sunday afternoon.
It’s bigger than you, and you are not me
The lengths that I will go
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I’ve said too much
I haven’t said enough
R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion” is about unrequited love, obsession, and frustration, and not actual religious faith. But I can relate to the song – yes, an 80s song. The lyrics portray self-doubt, overthinking, and feeling exposed, like being watched (“me in the spotlight”) by every Christian who knew I didn’t go to church while feeling isolated (“me in the corner”), struggling to connect and confess feelings. This was me, and perhaps still me. I don’t wrestle with self-doubt like I did when I was younger. Remember, God gets me.
She’s got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then, when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stare too long, I’d probably break down and cry
Sweet Child O’ Mine by Guns n Roses hits the nail on the head. In my analysis, she is Religion. Reminds me of a different time, and it continues to show its face throughout my journey. My understanding of religion and its complexities continues to baffle me at times, but as I said before, “God gets me.” It isn’t a bad thing…it is just my reality.
Quite a morning of reflection and introspection! I will leave you with two quotes. This morning, a friend shared something profound, and I just needed to share it with you. “You become a reflection of the people you spend time with. Choose souls who make you feel seen, grounded, and inspired – not the ones who question your light.” Think about that for a moment. It speaks volumes about friendships, relationships, and even religion. I have to give this young man a High Five for actually “Getting it’! The second is a quote made famous by Mr. Thomas Edison himself and my guy Denzel Washington. Who would have guessed it – A famous inventor and superb actor would be quoted many times. “If you want to become who you have never been, you will have to do what you have never done.” What does that really mean? If you want to become a better version of yourself with religion, friendships, relationships, work, goals, etc., then you must have courage and take risks. The quote we hear most often is “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” It is the same as my friend Denzel preaches. For example, I want to lose weight and have a butt that is perfect…okay, I am sharing too much, but I am keeping it real – then I need to get off my “ass” and do something about it. Sitting at home and watching Netflix isn’t going to produce results. What do I need to change? I think you get the picture. Most important friends – do not allow others to steal your joy.
Where am I in 2026? Well, I am not there yet… I am a work in progress. Last Sunday, I finally walked through the door of a small Christian Church, “Muy Grande Ministries”. After much urging from a classmate, I attended. Hell didn’t freeze over, and I didn’t sizzle to a crisp. So it was a good start. Everyone was kind and helpful. It also helped that I sat next to an amazing woman who inspired me in high school (Ms. Leticia). She probably will not remember, but she was a guest speaker at a FTA mini conference, and the words that will always resonate with me are “Never Settle”. I have held on to that message and shared it with my strong daughters. I also attended a “Women’s Bible Study” with some incredible women of faith and strength. My friend, Lisa, prayed with me and held my hand. There was a good discussion on Luke 9.26 NKJV. “No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.” To me, in relation to my thoughts of religion, it means that once you start on a path or journey, you must walk the straight and narrow. God knows everything we’ve done in our lives, and it is okay. We must forgive ourselves, give ourselves grace, and not look back. I admit that I still struggle with this, but I know I am loved, resilient, and a strong woman. Where will I be tomorrow, next week, or next year? I don’t know. But that is okay!
The link below is something you should remember wherever you are on your journey…. and Yes it’s another song…. I think you will like it…
https://www.facebook.com/share/r/171BfwWEpk/?mibextid=wwXIfr
After all, God gets me, and he gets you!
Enjoy my 80’s music… I guarantee it will inspire you and just make you feel good. Dancing is good. I have been up since 4 am because I felt a need to share my heart with my people.
Always,
Miss Stella

